Thursday, May 31, 2007

two become one.

And whilst we are on the subject of Guinea pigs.

My brothers children have two 'pigs.
One dies.
First he tells the youngest. Who's eyes light up & out he runs because this is clearly the most exciting thing the guinea pig has ever done.

So, next he breaks the tragic news to the twins.
E: which one was it?
dad: (insert name of deceased rodent here)
E: Thats ok, that ones Mattie's.
M. Good. that means you can do all the cleaning out from now on.

so, no need for a special memorial meal there.

Love is strange, yay yay...

I read that a man was jealous of his girlfriends love for her pet guinea pig.
Already I’m struggling a bit with this. I’m assuming that nothing sexual is going on between girl & fluffy rodent. A quick search of certain specialist web sites reveals no underground ’pigging’ groups. (there do appear to be some unpleasant things you can do with a hamster & a cardboard tube, but lets not go there) I think we are safe to assume that she’s just a girl who’s fond of her pet guinea pig. I had one as a kid. Scruffy was his name. I’m not really a pet person but he was ok. We got on. But there was certainly nothing sexual. I think that having a pet guinea pig you like is not unreasonable behaviour.

Never the less. So outraged is the man in question, and before we go any further lets be clear, the man is a Johnny foreigner, obviously not British, no sirree. Anyways, so outraged is he that he kills said pet and then cooks it up as a romantic meal for two.

Where to start. First of all, romantic meal for two? I have eaten guinea pig. And its not good seduction food. If your idea of romance is to serve up fatty, rubbery pork gristle then guinea pig will make an admirable substitute. No, its not a meal that’s going to win a girls heart. Secondly, and some might say more importantly, you have just killed her pet & then tricked her into eating it. I mean, is he planning to casually mention it over desert. Sorry darling, but at least his life wasn’t entirely wasted? There will always be a little bit of him with us, at least until we next pass solids?

I vaguely recall that a bunch of flowers and a box of milk tray did the trick. No need for beloved rodent fricassee to express your love.

Anyway. Girl has left boy & is considering legal action.

Dead mice.

today I disposed of a number of dead mice.
PC sort.
not small vermin attracted to plastic.
so I have a number of mice balls.

ok. purile giggling over.

I have three rubber coated ballbearings.
balls from mice.
mice balls.
at the risk of being a needy blog whore - suggestions please...

working on a chain gang

today an email came round.
desperate for someone to go and work in Abu Dabi.
Now I'm not entirely sure where that is. Gulf somewhere I guess.
But it sounds like a job I can do in my sleep.
So I stick my CV in.
No huge urge to go to Abu Dabi, but the storm of work has waned and I've suddenly not much on at present. So Abu Dabi sounds ok. If you need me, I'll go.

apparently not.
why do I want to leave?
why am I not still overloaded with work?
why have I not consulted?
I'm a critical resource.....

look. I'm in it for the pension. I'll do what ever shit you fire at me. But give me a clue, just a clue, what you want me to do.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Things I learnt this weekend.

A six by six trellice does not fit in my car.
Two three by six trellice cost a lot more than one six by six trellice.
There are doubtless people who can hammer a steel fence spur in straight. I am not one of them.
My garden has an active population of screwdiver faries. Put a screwdriver down and you will not find it again.
No matter that all the screws started the same, when you come to use them half will be flat heads and half will be cross heads.
Which ever sort of screw you have, the screwdriver in your hand is the wrong sort.
swearing really does help.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Don't fear the reaper

There is a dead pidgeon in my garage.
Looks like its been partially maimed, presumably by a cat, and crawled into the garage to die.
which it has been very succesful at.
Been dead a while judging by the stench & maggots.

so, thats a nice little job for the morning.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

the green, green, grass of home.

I am about to turf my lawn extention.
The one next to the anti nettle defences. You know the bit I mean.
So I go to B&Q & they have discounted the last of the turf.
Just 10p a sod. 10p! I can do my entire lawn extention for just £2. Hooray.
I rush to get a trolly, and as I return a bloke goes past me with a trolly piled high with rolls of grass.
And just 3 are left. I'm gutted.

So I have to go to wyvale & it costs me 70 quid to grass my lawn. sobs.

Still its down. Almost level & enjoying the endless rain.

Monday, May 07, 2007

but most of all...

Had a moderately productive weekend, driving back the nettles & constructing large scale anti nettle defences. Which, if my digital camera still worked I would photograph for you.

Now, some of you may question the wisdom of wearing shorts whilst working in a stinging nettle patch. Indeed, with hindesight, not one of my cleverer moves. Still, I have plenty of Docks. And apparently rubbing dock sap on nettle stings eases the pain. Hmm. It certainly turns your legs green.

Still, It could have been worse. Saturday was, according to the radio, naked gardening day. So, I did a little naked gardening. But stayed out of the nettles. Some things you reall dont want to turn green. Just planted out some geraniums and let it all hang out. I guess your all quite pleased the camera doesnt work.

take, take another piece

Imagine a society in which the rich supported the poor. The healthy cared for the sick. The lucky stopped to pick up the less fortunate. The have's ensured that there were no have nots. Where the quality of life was measured by the soul not the wallet.

Now imagine that this was enforced, not by fear of post death retribution from a vengeful god, or by the ruthless secret police of a totalitarian state, but by a democratically elected goverment. One with a clear mandate from those have's.

Today France voted for the 'I'm alright Jack' policies of the center right and the last chance for first world democratic socialism was gone. Lost to the need for second cars and a fortyseventh shopping channel. Kind of sad I thought.

Friday, May 04, 2007

in, out, in, out, shake it all about

Last week a tide of snails washed over my greenhouse. Massive destuction ensued.
I urgently need my tadpoles to turn into frogs.

Then it was greenfly. Uber amounts. I searched for ladybirds & set them loose on the geraniums but even they could not keep abreast of the population explosion.

So I took everything out of the greenhose.
And there was a frost warning.
So I put everything back into the greenhouse.

This afternoon I am going to take everything out of the greenhouse again.
The excitement is almost unbearable.