I read that a man was jealous of his girlfriends love for her pet guinea pig.
Already I’m struggling a bit with this. I’m assuming that nothing sexual is going on between girl & fluffy rodent. A quick search of certain specialist web sites reveals no underground ’pigging’ groups. (there do appear to be some unpleasant things you can do with a hamster & a cardboard tube, but lets not go there) I think we are safe to assume that she’s just a girl who’s fond of her pet guinea pig. I had one as a kid. Scruffy was his name. I’m not really a pet person but he was ok. We got on. But there was certainly nothing sexual. I think that having a pet guinea pig you like is not unreasonable behaviour.
Never the less. So outraged is the man in question, and before we go any further lets be clear, the man is a Johnny foreigner, obviously not British, no sirree. Anyways, so outraged is he that he kills said pet and then cooks it up as a romantic meal for two.
Where to start. First of all, romantic meal for two? I have eaten guinea pig. And its not good seduction food. If your idea of romance is to serve up fatty, rubbery pork gristle then guinea pig will make an admirable substitute. No, its not a meal that’s going to win a girls heart. Secondly, and some might say more importantly, you have just killed her pet & then tricked her into eating it. I mean, is he planning to casually mention it over desert. Sorry darling, but at least his life wasn’t entirely wasted? There will always be a little bit of him with us, at least until we next pass solids?
I vaguely recall that a bunch of flowers and a box of milk tray did the trick. No need for beloved rodent fricassee to express your love.
Anyway. Girl has left boy & is considering legal action.