Friday, June 29, 2007

Good on you Mika Brzezinski

Newsreader Mika Brzezinski attempted to burn her script when told that the lead item on her news broadcast would be Paris Hilton. But what could be more important.? Sure, scientists in Edinburgh can create diamonds out of peanut butter. The worlds first inflatable spaceship has been successfully deployed. In a spirit of tolerance Germany have refused to let Tom Cruise film because of his religious beliefs & Marilyn Manson was refused entry to Cologne cathedral for wearing lipstick. And all around the world people are busy killing each other. Or trying to kill each other. Yeah, yeah. All very newsworthy. But hardly in the same league as our favourite overly skinny millionaires home-porn starlet being released from prison. C’mon Mika, get with it.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The problem is

So I have spent a week with my carbon friendly lighting system.
Meaning that most of my upstairs lights havent worked since I put a new light up.
Interestingly, the new light actually worked.
Nevertheless, I took it down again & lo, as if by magic, all the other lights started working.
My guess is that the problem is...

somewhere around here. Unfortunately there is nothing obvious to hit with a hammer.

Sunday, June 24, 2007


This is my wildlife pond. Its a bit overgrown at the moment - I will do a bit of thining out next month. But, you must say its a pretty desirable residence for frogs. Unfortunately, frogs aren't bright. Thats why you rarely see them on TV quiz shows. So I am laying a few more slabs round by the greenhouse & there's a baby frog. Just hanging out on the wrong side of the tracks as it were. Now, by rights I just ought to slab over him. Survival of the brightest. Thats evolution happening right there in patio slab death slo mo. But the little frog is so cute. So I catch him and take him back to the pond.
Just about to lay a slab when I spot another. And another. I spent the best part of an hour ferrying baby frogs back to the pond. By which time they were looking considerably less cute.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

the power is ON

Putting a new light in. So I turn the power off. But then I need to drill some holes for the new fitting. So I turn the power on. Now, this is the important bit.... once the holes are drilled turn the power back off. Are you listening? TURN THE POWER OFF!!

Now my hair is rather more verticle than I want. Ho Hum. Still, I get the damn light up. I was going to paint the ceiling but it not raining and I'm kind of done with danger for the day. And, for the first time in a while, its not raining. So I decide to garden. Thats gentle & safe. I manage to lay two slabs before I end up falling over. Into the nettles. Wearing shorts. And not much else. Ands it hurts.

So I give up & go to the pub. On my return I discover that the upstairs lights no longer work. I'm just going to pop out & kill someone....F%%@#!**

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

that lazy river

Despite torrential rain and a severe weather warning for wales we set of for our anual canoe trip on the river wye. Well, most of us did(wetters). We arrived on the friday & it stopped tipping down long enough for us to erect tents, build shelters, light a fire & commence drinking. In the case of the chemical brothers to an impressive excess. After a poor night (I never realised quite how noisy sheep are) we headed off to the river. With some nervousness. Given the amount of rain we had we feared a torrent. But the river was fat and brown and lazy. The rain stayed away and all was good in the world. Some found it a little boring after last years shallows and rapids. But I am perfectly content to drift idly downstream, supping beer & listening to the birds. Have to say that only a fool could tip their canoo in these conditions. So congratulations to Nick & Becky for taking an unexpected swim. We returned to camp in good time & I indulged in a siesta before ajourning to the Yew Tree for a mighty fine feed & a medicinal ale or four.

I awoke the next day feeling mighty fine. Unlike the boy Fuller, who appeared to have passed away in the night & was now one of the living dead. He was briefly the ugliest person on the planet. Then Janet developed an alergy & turned into elephant girl. How we laughed. Another gently day on the river, this time with sunshine. And finally home. Tired but happy little boys and girls.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Tiger, Tiger.

In China they farm tigers. For traditional medicine. I shall neatly side step the question of whether or not powdered tiger bone does in fact enhance your erection and move on to the ethics of tiger farming.

The global rules on tiger farming are pretty wishy washy. You should only breed big cats for conservation reasons.

India’s position is that breeding tigers for medicines is not conservation. It effectively condones the use of tigers for medicines & encourages poaching. They want it banned.

Chinas position is that tiger farming is a commercially viable way of maintaining a large tiger gene pool & it provides a source of legitimate tiger products so reducing the demand for poaching. They want tiger McNuggetts in every city.

Despite millions of pounds being ploughed into tiger conservation, the wild tiger population is about 5% of what it was 20 years ago. The tiger is pretty much certain to be extinct in the wild in the next 10 - 20 years.

I eat cows. I wear leather. Farming is ok. I want Tigers to be around in 20 years. Making them commercially viable would ensure this. But for some reason Tiger farming makes me uncomfortable. Logically it must be ok.


But. But. But.

Still, if its going to enhance my erection….

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Greece is the word.

Last week the weather in England was near perfect. So I spent the week in Corfu. Corfu is a very green and lush Greek island. And there is a reason for this. It rains. A lot.

So, I was sharing an apartment the size of a small wardrobe with my Dad & his wife. It was raining. There were lots of screaming kids. (not, I must reluctantly add, my brothers kids, who were remarkably good all week).

But I sat in a bar near a nice pool, reading bad science fiction, eating seafood, Drinking with my Dad & My Bro and, by and large, doing absolutely nothing. Gotta be pleased with that.

Also had a long conversation with my youngest nephew (He’s 3 or 4 ish) about ladies boobies. He asked if I liked boobies. I do. So, apparently does he. He then asked if I went to boobie shops. Now, I was unaware that there are such things as boobie shops but I shall certainly make a point of going to them in the future. He also kindly pointed out that his mommy has boobies. That’s the only reason I looked Sue – honest.

About now you might expect some pictures. As you know, I have had a few problems with my camera of late. But before going on holiday I took it apart & cleaned it. Remarkably It went back together again. More remarkably it worked. Until I got to Greece. I took one picture (of my foot – by mistake) and it ceased to function again.
My Bro suggested that I throw it away and actually spend money on a new one. Silly boy. It’s a good camera. Apart from the fact that it doesn’t take pictures. Of course, you could argue that if it doesn’t take pictures its not so much of a camera as an unattractive ornament.