Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Every day is a learning experience

So, today Mattie and Emma learnt that rather than looking for a piece of lego they could repeatedly scream 'Rich, theres a piece missing'. Eventually Uncle Rich would break, get up from his comfy chair in front of the TV, treck to the room in which the children were imprisoned, point to the required piece, or sometimes, if I couldn't spot it, tell them that they were sitting on it (they always were). Then I would treck back & wait for them to start screaming again. I'm going off lego.

Today uncle Rich is learning that giving seven year olds a chocolate bar as a bed time snack is a mistake. And if they get up one more time I'm going to gaffer tape them to their beds and human rights be damned.

Monday, October 24, 2005

ahhhhh, or do I mean Arrrrggggg?

So, Chez Rich is still semi derelict and the builders are in. Austin is knocking bits down. I am still half un packed and its half term so my nephew and neice are staying for a few days. My Bro & sister in law & their youngest were up at the weekend, but they have left and its just me & santa's little helpers. Or should that be satans? On sunday we attacked the nettles in the garden. The nettles won. So we decided to play inside. And the lights went out. Oh joy.

Today we went to the safari park. If you feed (with food provided) some of the animals its quite exciting. We had a zebra stick its head right in the car & dribble over me & Mattie got licked by a Yak. Then there are rides. The kids are six. And between 1 and 1.2 meters tall. Which means they can go on all sorts of unpleasant and terrifying rides if accompanied by an adult. Emma in particular liked som worryingly large roller coasters. She particularly liked the fact that I was terrified. Then we found the log flume. Because it wasn't busy, each time we got to the end the kids screamed 'once more' and before I could stop the attendant we were off again. Scary and unpleasantly wet.

Anyway. Were back. Its well past bed time, but if I keep them up late they sleep until seven in the morning rather than six. I refused to watch Wind in the Willows for a third time. (one more rendition of 'toad comes home' by tuneles hyper children may tip me over the edge).

Thank the gods for lego...

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Stuffed mushroom

Just for you my strange and curious friends, here is a picture of the stuffed mushroom. What can I say. I was younger, there was a charity toy auction at the Crown, I was drunk, I bought shroomy. And over the years I've grown very fond of him.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


There are a couple of blogs waiting at draft. I have pictures on the camera. I have PC. but that little cable that connects one to the other? well, its in a box with my 80 gig of porn hard drive, some tasteful black and white photo's of myself and an ex, back when I was young, pretty & flexible, the screws that hold my bed together and attach the table legs to the table, and my stuffed mushroom. But can I locate that box? can I hell. I have also lost my shoes (yup, I'm at work in a suit and trainers - not a great look) and half my socks are missing (loads of socks, but can I make a matching pair? no way)

So here's a picture of part of the mandlebrot set. I used to be able to do the math, its about iterative equations with imaginary numbers and its pretty cool stuff. But alcohol has shrivelled my brain and I no longer understand. Tonight I'm hoping to find the slow cooker, but I'm not holding my breath.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Meet Stinky.

My strange friend Gary came up for a few days to help me move house. Before travelling from distant Southampton he thought long and hard about what he could bring with him to facilitate the move. And the result was...a malnurished hedgehog. Meet Stinky.

Gary found him a few days ago. He was small, very underweight and unlikely to survive the winter, so Gary took him in. He's fattening up nicely. Unfortunately turns out that hedgehogs are not good travellers. And when they get nervous they poop. A lot. Stinky is not just a name.


I have moved.
It was much too difficult, both physically & mentally.
But I am now in my scooby mansion up on the hill.
Many thanks to all those who helped.

Kiki - wishing...

It wouldn't fit in the van. Thanks to Beirdy Weirdy Howard for drive space

The old garden

Where am I supposed to sit?

Monday, October 10, 2005

A Del Shannon moment

So, just back from the solicitors.
And I'm ready to move on friday.
The people I'm buying off are ready to move on friday.
The people their buying off are ready to move on friday.
My solicitor is ready for me to move on friday.
The estate agents are ready for me to move on friday.
The money is in place, the meters are being read, the boxes are packed, the van is being hired.
And the person who's buying my place has gone missing.

And I wonder, why-y-y-y they ran away.....

Am I moving on friday? thats a definite maybe.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

That's why I drink in the Crown...

So. Yesterday I got a history of glass making from Mel. Today I learn that the molten iron core of this planet we call Earth is hotter than the surface of the sun. Jenny (monkeys slightly deranged Mrs) has got a new dog called ashtray that runs into closed doors. Jan (Beardy weirdy Howards better half) popped in for a drink between young Indian boys - hmmm. Diddy Dave was 40 and remarkably sober, and, because I cannot resist the whole learning experience, I have drunk more pints of hobsons than is wise. Viva le Crown.

Anyway. I may or may not be moving house on Friday. So I've been up in the loft again. And I'm being harsh. Justify your existence or tomorrow you visit the dump. So, all the old 'adult literature' has to go. I've joined the digital age. I have almost 80 gig of class pornography on the hard drive. The fading, yellow, preteen-sticky magazine collection must go. But its like saying goodbye to old friends. Even now, after more beer than a lot, Dawn, the Club international biker girl brings a smile to my loins. But I'm strong. The magazines go. The comics are of course collectors items & will go on to insulate my new loft. The sofa & Chairs have also gone to furniture heaven (sorry Jo) & most of my socks are hole ridden & skip bound. Boy am I going to be pissed if I'm not moving house next Friday.

Still, the molten iron core of this planet we call Earth is hotter than the surface of the sun. Wow.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Absurd? - hell yes.

"The White House has dismissed as "absurd" allegations made in a BBC TV series that President Bush claimed God told him to invade Iraq." BBC News

Well, if their going to start dismissing things that are absurd how about starting with George. please.

Operating on the principal that the white house is full of habitual liars, their fierce denial pretty much confirms that the claims are true. So first it was WMD. Then it was regime change. Of course, it was never oil. Finally we learn that its really voices in Mr Bushes head wispering 'Kill George, Kill. KILL.' Its kind of comforting knowing that his finger is on the button. I mean, going to nuclear hell because George is a war mongering cretin would be terrible. But if God wants it to happen, well, thats ok.

On a much happier note. A vaccine for cervical cancer in 12 months BBC News again - gotta be pleased with that.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Nine is the wrong answer

There is some debate amongst the science world about what the correct answer is. Its Eight or Ten. But not Nine. The question, of course, is how many planets are there in the solar system? Scientists recently discovered Kuiper belt object 2003 UB313. It orbits the sun & its bigger than Pluto. So if Pluto is a planet then Kuiper belt object 2003 UB313 is a planet. Except that Kuiper belt object 2003 UB313 lacks the sex appeal that is so important to scientists. So its been nicknamed Xena, after the firm thigh’ed, leather clad warrior princess. So, if Pluto counts, Xena counts. Its 8 or 10. But not 9. no way.

Anyway, as you can see, it turns out that Xena has a small orbiting body. And of course, they have named this sexy little moon Gabrielle...
...space. Lets face it - its sexy.

Furry toilet seat covers

My hands shake. My eyes are not as good as they were in my youth. My belly has grown and other important parts seem to have shrunk considerably. So, I’m ok with a hedge, wall or urinal. But no longer can I point at a pan with the confident aim of youth. Which is ok. I sit. It’s a rest, a chance to read, and your pretty much guaranteed to be on target. And I no longer fear the furry toilet seat cover. And now that they are no longer a threat they seem to have gone out of fashion.

The furry toilet seat cover. It was a thing of terror. You’d lift the lid, and it would seem safe. So you’d aim & release. And the furry seat cover would smile and use its evil power, the balance of the lid would alter, and down it would come. If you were lucky the shock of it smacking your end was enough to stop the flow. But all to often you just couldn’t stop. The damn cover then acted like a urine sponge. Frantically you’d point away, trying to find sink or bath, but more likely finding the floor, the loo roll, readers digest magazine. And it was never in your own home, but some upper class aunt or important business client, who were far to posh to have easily wiped lino on the floor. But now the furry toilet seat cover seems to be a thing of the past. That’s why the youth of today are soft. That’s why crime increases and good manners have vanished. Because the young men of today have not experienced the shared suffering and ritual humiliation that was the furry toilet seat cover.

Well, should my house purchase ever happen be assured that Old Man Rich cares not one jot for fashion. There will be a furry toilet seat cover even if I have to knit it myself.

Sunday, October 02, 2005


Spent Saturday at the Eden Project with old Bob. Actually, I spent most of Saturday traveling to and from the Eden project with old Bob. Yup, left on a very nice charter train at 6am, got back at midnight. Was it really worth traveling all that way for two and a half hours in a greenhouse? Probably not. That said, the Eden project is architecturally stunning.

When you first see the biodomes nestled in the old quarry you do go wow. And look around for Daleks just in case. So we raced around the domes. As you'd expect, there are lots of plants. Its fairly crop centric, so there are lots of useful plants. Its probably very informative if you have time to read the signs.
Its certainly very warm and sweaty at the top of the tropical dome. I definitely could have done with a few more hours there. Obviously, when it was first planted it was a bit sparse. So the place is scattered with freaky statues. I'm a bit of a statue fan and some of these were great. And some were not. Still, I bought a couple of cacti in the gift shop, had a few beers on the train, all in all it was a good day out.