Earthquake

Its just about midnight. And I wake up for some unknown reason. Just in time to see my wardrobe doors all open simultaneously. Its more than a bit creepy. I become convinced someone is in the house. I go downstairs & check all the rooms. In my paranoia I check the garden & then actually lock my doors. Finally, I decide it’s a full bladder that’s disturbed me, use the facilities and return to bed.

This morning I learn its an earthquake. A massive 5.1 on the Richter scale, centred in Market Rasin, with Telford, or at least my wardrobes, rocked by aftershocks. Ok, so its fortunately not the tens of thousands dead in Pakistan type earthquake. Never the less, the earth gods are angry and must be appeased. But where the hell do you find a virgin in Telford?

Badgers

Badgers are a vector for bovine TB. Which is on the increase in the UK. However, scientists have long held the view that badger culling would not reduce incidences of bovine TB and may increase the range of any remaining badgers and so in some cases increase the spread of bovine TB. Bovine TB, they say is best controlled by increased testing and restrictions on cattle movement.
The farmers, of course, want to kill all the badgers.
So the Krebs trial was initiated. They took 30 100km square areas of the country and compared the effects of not culling, proactive culling and reactive culling. Broadly speaking there was no difference between not culling and proative culling. Unless of course your a badger. The reactive culling trials were suspended after a significant increase in the spread of bovine TB. So, it cost us tax payers 7 million pounds a year to prove the point but badger culling is a waste of time and money.
Of course, whats hard science compared with the traditional agricultural wisdom aquired through centuaries of rural inbreeding. We townies obviously dont understand the ways of the country. Why should farmers face the cost of increased testing and restrictions on cattle movement when they can simply go badger butchering? Fortunately farmers are a minority and in a wonderful democracy like the UK and public opinion, vastly anti badger culling, and scientific widom, vastly anti badger culling, will always prevail.

so today MP's have backed calls for a badger cull. Because, and this is the only explanation I can come up with, they are a bunch of complete fuckwitts.

Frog Porn

For me, its not the primroses or crocus that herald spring. Its the frog sex. On saturday one end of the wildlife pond was a seeting mass of frogs. Gently croaking and going at it like, well, frogs. I counted at least 20 but I think there were a lot more. A full on frog orgy.
And three days later half the pond is a solid mass of frogspawn and they are still at it.
yeah. go frogs !!!

space salad

Because my kitchen is a work in progress I am living on prepacked salads. mmmm. And they always have a huge blob of mayo on top. Into which the free plastic fork is invariably burried. This is becoming more and more anoying with each passing day.

I mean we can build this ....

so surely a sensibly packed salad is not to much to ask.

which stall?

The gents at the crown is a work in progress and currently only has a single urinal.
This is mounted ridiculously low on the wall so that if your a tall man with short pipe work like OMR then your chances of the initial flow meeting the porcelain are not good.
And made considerably worse by several or more ales.

Still, a single urinal does at least avoid this: http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2717636.html?menu=news.quirkies

So, for you blokes who drink in establishments with slightly larger facilities than the crown (or ladies who can't wait for the queue to the trap) there's this:
http://gamescene.com/The_Urinal_Game.html

Free Nuts ?

Hah. I have no kitchen. No water. No electric. No appliances No units. (although it does now have a ceiling which is a plus). The new kitchen is scattered throughout the rest of the house. I insulated the loft space above my to be kitchen yesterday evening and seem to be suffering an allergic reaction to the fibreglass. Work is fast becoming unpleasant as the scope of my role seems ever growing whilst my timescales are ever shrinking. England were humiliated by Wales in the rugby last weekend. I have a stinking hangover and am two thirds through a 400g pack of salted cashew nuts & feeling quite sick.

My point. Well on the back of said nuts it says “We’ll refund and replace if you are not 100% happy”. And, quite clearly, I’m not 100% happy. In fact I'm bordering on damn miserable. So its off to www.asda.com to moan about my life and get my £1.80 refund.