Thursday, April 19, 2007

pretty woman

So I’m in a bar. Watching Virginian students get their 15 minutes of fame on sky news. And a rather pretty girl asks if she can sit in the chair next to me.
“Sure”, I say. “But I’m about to eat, and have not yet mastered my goatee beard so its pretty disgusting viewing”.
She fails to take the hint & joins me. I eat & watch TV.
“My names Amanda” she says. “Hello Amanda” I say.
I eat and watch another shooting rerun on TV.
“Don’t you think that this shooting in America is terrible?” ventures Amanda.
“Yes” I say. “but given that 200 people were blown apart in Bagdad today in as a direct result of possibly illegal and certainly unjustifiable US an British military action I think the TV coverage is a little disproportionate.”
“So you don’t care about these students then?”
“I care about 15% (can’t really do percentages in my head, but trust me, Mandy isn’t going to realise) as much as I care about the 200 Iraqis’. The difference is that whilst as a British citizen I feel degree of responsibility & guilt over the deaths in Iraq I think that if you make it a constitutional right for your psychopaths to bear arms you’ve got to expect the odd massacre now and then.”
We watch another shooting rerun.
“Aren’t the policemen fat” ventures Amanda. I have to agree. “No wonder they are armed. They sure aren’t going to chase down anything much faster than a donut.” I don’t think Amanda gets this.
We watch another shooting rerun.
“Do you want to take me to dinner?” ventures Amanda. (Bear in mind that I have just finished a large meal in front of her.) “No thank you Amanda. And before you ask, nor do I wish to pay to have sex with you”.
Amanda looks slightly miffed. Possibly I have misjudged her.
“ I don’t think you a very nice man” she tells me. I have to agree again. That’s twice now. Perhaps we should get engaged.
We watch another shooting rerun.
“So will you buy me a drink then?”. Priceless. I buy Amanda a drink.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Richard, whichever way you choose to look at it, thats a result in my book. Please tell me one drink didnt leed to another and you woke up in a strange empty bed with no wallet.

7:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

leed should be lead obvisoly - fulla never could spell

10:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The irony in Anonymous' comment isn't lost on me.

12:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

S i cant spell. Pah. Ah well. At least I can get by on my good looks and charm.

7:18 PM  

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