All you need is love

Scientists studying Mammoth genes can now state with certainty that a mammoths hair may or may not have been blond. And expert lip readers have determined that Materrazi may or may not have called Zidanes mother 'a muslim terrorist whore' shortly before recieving a Glasgow kiss. It seems that Keith Wood did not tumble from a coconut tree but rather fell out of a small bush. No one, especially the minister responsible, seems sure if the planned merger of police forces across the UK is to take place. All in all its an uncertain world.

But in a webcast to the Russian premier a Siberian farmer bemoaned the fact that all the girls had left his village and moved to the cities. In a direct appeal to Vladimir Putin he explained that it was ok though, because he had fallen in love with his favourite cow and he asked that the law be changed so that they could be married. Love is all you need.