Get off my land
So, I'm in my kitchen first thing this morning looking for clean socks and I see this fat grey cat crossing my garded headed straight for the bird feeder. Have I mentioned that I don't like cats? So I pull on my hiking boots and run out into the garden, grab a clod of earth and let fly. The first shot misses, but starts the cat running. The second takes it clean off the wall. OMR hits a moving cat. Wahoo. So Im doing a celibration dance when I realise that there is someone in one of the houses that backs on to mine staring out of their window at me. And I am dancing in my garden, naked but for a pair of hiking boots.
posted by Old Man Rich at 8:52 AM
16 Comments:
Your sick. Whats your problem with cats? creatures. They were worshiped In ancient Egypt as gods. Now they have to suffer a naked sweating man throwing shit at them. I do hate it when they crap on the lawn though.
And the Egyptians believed in slavery, incest and burying people alive.
Cats decimate wildlife:
In the UK its estimated that 275 million animals caught by cats each year, 55 million are birds. Species taken by cats include protected and endagered species such as bats, toads, sand lizards and doormice.
Cats spread disease:
Diseases transmited by cats to man include ringworm, conjunctivitis, gastric ulcers (Helicobacter pylori)and toxoplasmosis, which can cause deformities in unborn children. Aso appears to be a vector in the transmision of bird flue, with cat to cat transmision occuring but cat to human transmision not yet proved
Cats failed to help during the War:
The CIA experimented with attaching cats to bombs aimed at ships during the war. The idea was that the cats fear of water would cause them to guide the bombs to land on the ships. But the wimpy cats all passed out before the bombs struck.
But mainly, cats are shit factories:
and their owners seem to think that they have some divine right to crap all over my garden. Well **** you. Cats are vermin, and if they're on my land they are legitimate targets for my wrath.
and it was bloody cold this morning, so I wasn't sweating.
you hit a running cat? it must have been a fluke because your usually crap at everything. x
I agree cats are vermin and I think all cat owners may think different if all cat shit deposited not on their garden was mailed to them
Thats natures law Rich, cats hunt and kill. Deal with it. Whats so wrong with incest and buring people alive anyway? Oopps.
I want to know why you were looking for clean socks in your kitchen.
OMR, once again you prove your decency and correctness while the plebs around you let their shitty cats roam free and evil.
Keep striking back and lashing out, you have my backing!
I think cats are the best animals about, because they don't give a fuck. I'm reading these comments here, and there's an awful lot of fear. One day the cats will rise and you'll all be sorry then. If they can be arsed, it's pretty comfy infront of the two-bar.
And it's not all selfish shitting and bird catching, how many lives do cat's eyes save a year?
Fulla, its not natures law. Thats the point. If cats were indeginous wild creatures then you would rapidly achieve a balance between preditor and prey & the cat population would adjust to a tolerable level. But Cats are man made & man kept, So they can hunt their prey to extinction with no corresponding decline in their numbers. There are an estimated 9 million cats in the UK. And our wildlife cannot cope with that level of uncontrolled predation.
Jen, stuff from the drier usually gets as far as the kitchen table, where ir remains until needed. Its a single bloke thing.
Dan. you are wise indeed.
Stav, yeah - but we know with you its a sexual thing. cat lover.
I can't imagine what they must have thought you were doing.
I'm sure they know of him by now up on the hill:
"Dear, that wild man is dancing naked in his garden". "Again, dear?" says the husband nonchantly, barely looking from his Daily Mail.
The natural predator of the cat is the motor vehicle.
Also, have you never wandered into a neighbours garden for a dump every once in a while? Or is that just me?
Oh.
Sure go ahead blame cats there an easy target. Oh what now, like birds and dogs dont shit everywhere. I came back to my car the other day to find what must have been an Osterich that had slam dunked a turd all down the windscreen! Furthermore, is it not a true joy to see a steaming dog turd on one of Gods clean public footpaths. If Birds are stupid enough to get caught by a cat, even though they can FLY for fucks sake, then fair play to Tiddles the cat. I think you spread diseases Rich, whats more you tick all those other boxes too!!! Ha ha ha!
hi
if you give the cat a saucer of warm milk for two or three evenings and on the fourth evening give them same saucer of milk with crushed paracetamol in ( about 5 should do it) they will find somewhere warm to go to sleep and they dont wake up.
no mor cat shit
Best use of a cat is a door stop - if a liberal administration of acetawhatever gets it there, that's fine too. f-ing vermin they are.
Cats are worthless. I get so tired of this Ancient Egypt crap. I don't think defunct civilizations from thousands of years ago should be our blueprint of what to do. With the invention of the wooden mousetrap and the nylon fiddle string, the cat became obsolete. Without exception, every cat owner's house smells of catshit. Flesh-eating bacteria would make better pets.
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