I know nothing....

I now have an amazing four different managers to report to. Jumping through their selected management hoops and dealing with their combined idiocy actually leaves me worryingly little time to do my job. Or play solitaire.
So I have a new rule. I never, never answer my phone with my name. Just 'Hello?' in my most non descript voice. depending on what the person at the other end says and wether I recognise the voice I then choose from...
(i) He's in a meeting right now, can I take a message.
(ii) please leave your message after the tone...beeeep
(iii) Hello? hello? Damn this phone.
(iv) Have you not got the (pick appropriate piece of idiocy) yet? damn, there seems to be a problem with the email.
(v) Hi, I'm glad you've called. Have you seen (invent name)'s memo on (invent subject). This could really sting us, I think we need to get an impact out before close of play. Can you do it or should I pick it up. (invariably me). No worries, I'll get right on it. Hang up and disconnect phone before they remember why they rang.

For real life visitors, in my younger days I also once made good use of..
Shouts down phone "Pregnant???" . Slams down phone, Says excuse me to the man that I've never seen before and who is walking purposefully towards my desk in a frighteningly sharp suit that screams 'sales team' and runs from the office. Quick phone call to HR to say I'm off sick for the day to cover my tracks.
but I'm not convinced this will work a second time.