Is nowhere safe?

Last night I was stung by a wasp. Now, I'm pretty tolerant of the whole creatures that attack you thing. If your stupid enough to wander through the Congo don't moan when you find maggots living under your skin. Even acquiring leeches in central Sydney, whilst unexpected, was OK. But I do not, repeat, DO NOT, think that being stung by a wasp whilst lying in my own bed is acceptable.

Yup, I was snuggled up under my biggest duvet (having successfully buggered the central heating on Saturday)and I felt something uncomfortable against my buttock. So I reach down and Zap! With surprising agility for a man of my age and girth, I leaped out of bed, threw back the cover and revealed a wasp crawling about on the sheet. With a quick flick of a slipper its short life was ended. But the damage was done. It had stung me right between my finger and thumb. Worse, I got a case of the squirms & had to keep putting on the light & checking the bed for other offenders. I'll swear there was a tiger in there at one point but it managed to hide. This morning I am tired and have a swollen hand. Irritable does not even come close.

So Kiddies. Next time you sucking an ice lolly and a wasp comes buzzing up, and you very sensibly start screaming, running around and flapping your arms like a windmill on speed, and some adult says 'Just stay still and ignore it and it won't hurt you' you have my permission to reply 'Uncle Rich says your talking complete bollocks' and to stick your lolly right up their...