Friday, January 25, 2008

apologies for the loss of signal

meanwhile, here's a useful piece of knowledge, particularly for you teachers...

http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apparantly I could take out 22 of the little angels, not bad eh. I do feel a bit guilty about resorting to biting and eye gouging though, but hey a fights a fight!

1:35 PM  
Blogger A Margarita said...

Madgranny beat me. I got 19.

3:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In praise of January

Tired?

Recovering from the boomerang flu? Perhaps you’ve spent a weekend in bed after a bout of the dreaded Norovirus? Or maybe you simply can’t be bothered getting out of bed on these long, dark mornings.

I’m not sold on the idea of leaping out from beneath my quilt at 6am either, but seeing as how I’m not allowed to claim a month’s sick leave for the purpose of hibernation, just like the rest of the nation’s teaching staff, I have to rouse myself, fire up the hatchback, endure the traffic jams and, eventually, trudge across the yard and into school

Well, I say the rest of the nation’s teaching staff, but I’m not including those members of senior management who have arranged junkets, sorry, exchange visits, to schools in Greece, South Africa or wherever (fill in your SMT’s destination of choice where applicable).

But I’ve been giving it some thought and I’ve made a conscious decision that if I can’t beat January, then I’m going to embrace it. That’s right, I’m going to wrap my duffle-coated arms around January’s dull clammy shoulders and embrace it warmly in my woollen-gloved hands. Like it’s my best friend or something.

I’ve decided I love January.


I mean, for a start, the dark mornings mean that the students, while not really focussed on learning, certainly not in the Ofsted sense of the word, aren’t particularly physically active either. A bit like reptiles, the really ‘challenging’ kids need a lot of sunshine to warm up their blood.
They’re waiting for Spring to arrive before really going berserk.

January is nature’s chemical cosh.


January sees my classes doing a lot of group work too; wherever possible they’re engaged with projects and the sort of automatic-pilot fun activities that allow them, and me, space to breathe. The spade-work the classes put in between September and December is paying dividends; books have been read, tests have been marked, grades cut and pasted into databases (and no more tests for another half term - hooray). January is the one month we can stretch our legs, and run with what we know, without the energy of September for sure, but without the stress and the workload of the autumn term either.

And without the GCSE and SATs pressure cookers that begin to melt our brains from February onwards.

I’m guessing that teaching in January is like teaching used to be, in the 1970’s.


This month sees the job adverts in the TES begin to mount up too. From the paltry half-dozen jobs that appeared in December, we’re starting to see job adverts appearing in three figure numbers. Which means that even numbskulls like me have a fighting chance of employment at the sort of high-achieving state school that advertises vacancies more rarely than Brigadoon makes an appearance in the Scottish Highlands. In fact, there are so many jobs appearing from January onwards that it’s almost impossible not to find new employment, somewhere.

In the educational employment love-in, January is pure Viagra.


January isn’t all good news though. For one thing, the Year 7’s have lost their newness, and in some cases that means they’ve lost all fear too. While that’s good news for the majority of the students you teach, those students you’ve established solid working relationships with, it’s also the month that you begin to spot the ones who’ve already become disaffected and whose malign and disruptive presence you’ll be enduring for the next four years or more. Those students who, like black holes in the space/time continuum, will suck you dry of time, energy and light.

A bit like January, some might say.


But still, I’m sticking with the programme – I Love January. Alright, I know it’s not Christmas anymore, and it’s dark, grimy and tedious. And it’s also financially bereft, socially barren and you just know your resolutions are going to fail within the next fortnight.

But let’s face it, it’s so dark that no one will notice if you take it a bit easy for three or four weeks, the kids are less bother because they’re even more tired than you, there are plenty of jobs coming up for grabs, and you probably won’t get fatter this month, like you did last month.

And the best thing about January is this:
It’s not February.

Jim

7:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stateless

Imagine being born into a culture with no rules.
No history.
No values.

Imagine growing up in a culture where everything is negotiable, where rewards are copious, but sanctions are virtually non-existant, and no wrong-doing is ever really punished, and where most disagreements are decided through lying, shouting and violence. Or running away.

Imagine having so much food that by the age of thirteen you’re morbidly obese, and having an attention-span so short it could be accurately described as a disability.

Imagine living in a culture where no-one works. Where there is no authority. No religion.
Imagine having no male role-models.

And no bed-time.



Imagine having all the above, and then imagine you’re sitting in my classroom and I’m trying to teach you something about computer aided design.

Now turn that picture around 180 degrees and imagine teaching those students, like I did today.

7:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm thinking mandatory fat camp in Dafur should resolve many or all of the issues....

2:59 PM  

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